Winter draws near, with it comes the beauty and effects of crystallized water. Being the season of snow and such, many will experience the frustrations of driving through it. Spinning of tires, no doubt, will cause some of us to get upset. Fortunately, the weather hasn’t gotten that bad yet, but I’ve been spinning my wheels…figuratively not literally.
I’ve been trying to keep busy with a new job, writing and just plain dreaming. As such, my photography has been put aside for the time being. Now, I seem to be going through a rut. It’s nice that I have been lucky to get some temporary housing, but the conditions are much less than ideal. If it weren’t for the spiders, cockroaches, mice and an occasional stray cat finding their way into my domain, I might say everything is okay…but it’s not. Sleeping on a cot surrounded by my totes of books and clothes, it seems that I’m living a bohemian lifestyle. That’s not bad, but I don’t feel any kind of belonging; I don’t feel needed.
My creativity seems stymied, and my hopes are not realized. I seem to be going around in circles and going nowhere, fast. Hence, Spinning My Wheels.
I’m definitely in need of a change and next Spring will be the time. I’ll be needing to unload some of the last of my personal belongings because I won’t have room for them. It will be painful to do, but required. Actually, it’s hard to believe what all I already had to let go…I still can’t fathom it. It’s been nearly 2 years since my world fell apart; it’s been nearly a year since I started as well.
Just turning 50, I have been trying to put everything in perspective. As a result, I find myself thinking about my early life, and after thinking about it, I need to return to some of it. Some would say you can’t relive the past, and I agree with them. Yet, it isn’t the experiences I’m striving for, but the simplicity…the foundation.
I’ve let my life be influenced by too many outside forces. It’s time to stoke the fire of my being with a power from the inside, and keep it burning for as long as I’m able.
Finally, I will be free. My wheels will now stop spinning, and I’m happy to say I didn’t need the chains. No one should need chains. No shackles, no binds…an unfettered spirit.